2014年的尾声

还有不到四个小时，就得和2014年告别。
话说2014，对马来西亚来说是悲痛的一年。马航两架飞机罹难，前几天亚航也出事。而且还水患肆虐。我母校也淹水了。
从来我就认为人生是无常的，天灾人祸是难免的。但厄运接二连三也未免太令人痛心。同时也必须警惕自己，做自己想做的事，爱身边的人，对自己好一点。
我从来没有为自己设下新年resolution， 因为计划永远赶不上变化，随机随缘就好。
期望2015会是顺利的一年。为了training我得搬迁到乡下小镇去工作，在一个人生地不熟的地方自己生活。我总告诉自己，没关系，很多事是冥冥中注定。就像当初命运把我放在Eastern那样，才成就了今天的我。
愿大家平安健康快乐。

圣诞快乐

第一次公共假期肯定有我份。 赖在家听周杰伦，收拾一下屋，点我的香熏， 简单无聊也可以很写意。
或许应该读书。。。
看看吧。。。嘻嘻
圣诞节快乐。
祝大家平安健康。

态度

笑容
是免费的
而且是用之不竭的
为什么省着？
平和
可以让身边的人心情也平和
为什么要对别人呼喝责备？
再厉害再聪明
没有EQ
人缘不好
说难听，有天落难了，别人也只会说活该。
人生不如意事多得是，
每一件都耿耿于怀，埋怨
然后把气发在别人身上
日子怎么过也不会开心吧？

她是个很好的借镜，
她是我绝对不要变成的那个人 :)

4 Weeks into Anatomical Pathology

I have not been studying so hard since medical school - need to brush up on general anatomy at the very least and study on cut up techniques and procedures.


I have not felt so junior/ignorance since third year medical school/clinical year - apart from knowing that I am not colour blind, looking at slides to me just means looking at meaningless colourful pictures with dots while others start babbling some alien languages

I start work at 7:30am every day willingly and stay back until 6pm everyday but do not feel terrible about it - I must be crazy liao


When the siao reg said I need to speed up when cutting because we still have many other specimens to go through - Instead of becoming anxious and scared, I choose to remind myself  my other reg who once told me to "keep calm", and the other reg who said "Don't try to live up to unrealistic expectation and allow others to rush you through a specimen because you got to know what you are doing before you get comfortable. You want to be able to sleep at night after cutting specimens."


I am also thankful to my siao reg. It's because of her, I learnt more in a short period of time. Sometimes I need stress to push me to do better.


As I left work one day feeling stressed out and useless, I saw a doctor at the car park, presumably a registrar of some sort, picking up her phone and asking about the details of patient who was being referred to her, using the wall as the vertical table and starting to write down stuff. I smiled and thought to myself, my day isn't that bad afterall.  

First Day at Work

I walked into the hospital WITHOUT my peach colour stethoscope hanging around my neck, my pen torch clipped on my lanyard, and my tendon hammer hidden in one of my pockets. And no pager. That felt awesome.


The head of department gave me a tour in the lab and introduced me to the staff, mostly scientists and technicians. First time in my life, I am going to work with non nurses. I was introduced as the "new new registrar"as I am fresh and I have zero experience in pathology. I think it would have been better if I was introduced as the "intern".


What's better? I have my own desk and microscope. Although technically, the desk belongs to the registrar who is currently on maternity leave. But thanks to her and her husband, I was offered this rotation and escaped orthopaedic :D (Gosh, I can't imagine myself holding a fat leg in ortho surgery...I will definitely faint from having postural hypotension)


Oh guess what's best? It's when the PA says "MET call...Ward xx..Bed xx...xx unit".
That was the moment! The moment that I was waiting for...
I think I am going to be excited about this for at least a week :D


Basically, I have just been tagging along the registrar and watching cut ups mainly. I joined the surgical pathology meeting and the slides showing sessions. I was quite amused when I saw helicobacter pylori under the microscope. Other than that, I have no idea what they were talking about... It will take time for things to make sense.


I had lunch, I actually sat down to have lunch for a whole 45 min. The reg managed to finish cutting up all the specimens and we left work on time at 5pm.


There will be a lot of after hour and weekend study, otherwise there is no way to pass the exams. I know I have to do this. If pathology can't interest me, nothing in medicine will.  

最后倒数

明天将是我的最后一个ED shift。
面临下星期开始新的工作环境，我抱着很多期望。因为，我把那儿看成是岸，把这里当成是火海。逃离是我的选择。
对岸适不适合我生存我不知道。
有点忐忑不安，但依然兴奋居多。
这三年是得过且过，没有目标，不必读书考试，没什么压力。
这样的生活就要结束了，有点不舍。
但总不能继续蹉跎吧！
得拿出想当年啃书的那把劲继续奋斗。
五年而已！三个考试而已！不要怕，不要怕！

Counting Down My Shifts

I have done all my night shifts
I have done all my weekends
I have 6 more shifts to go
Then I will enter a whole new world


I told people I am going to do pathology next
And their first response is always "Why?"
"Do you hate people?"
"You wont be talking to anyone then?"
"Why pathology? You will make a good physician..."


I tried really hard to think why I really want to do pathology...
I came up with various random reasons that have struck me at some point
Medicine these days is relying too much on investigation...no matter how great your clinical examination skill is, it is really just a show. Are you able to convince yourself not to order that blood test or imaging if they are readily available? No. All those CT brains for the old patients with a fall with no focal neurology. All those troponins for ladies and gentlemen boys and girls with chest pain. All those VQ scan/ CTPA for someone who has chest pain with the minor-est risk factors for PE following negative troponins. All those vasculitic screens, autoimmune screens for people with no real signs or symptoms...


Medicine these days deal with too much "holistic medicine" crap... whatever... Sir, I only feel like fixing your broken bone, can I leave your depression to someone else? Maám, we are done with the medical care for your mother, she needs to go home today, I don't care if the aircond at her home is functioning or not... I know I wont make a good physician.


I cannot present cases the way physicians like me to present. I tried to fit in but I don't belong. I just want to tell you everything I know about the patient they way I want to.


I like people in general, but not to the extent of dealing with people's psychosocial problems and fighting with various departments and parties every day.

I like to sleep at night and work during the day. Shift works just make me feel sick. I hate being on call. The ringtone just gives me recurrent palpitations. I think I wont last long if I have to be always on call.


And of course I would choose the colourful pathology over the black and white radiology :)

Pathology here I come

I will embark on this journey
At least 5 years of training
To become an anatomical pathologist!

Can't believe,
In a bit less than 2 months time,
I actually DON'T need to see patient anymore! But only a small piece of them.

It's true that I will miss all those pleasantly confused elderly patients,
The specimen won't thank me for diagnosing them,
The owner of the piece of tissue won't even know I exist,


But I still think it will be awesome to JUST deal with diseases :D
And understand things under the microscope that MOST doctors don't have any idea what we are talking about :P